So I have a confession

Over the past several years (and probably rooted even earlier than that), my understanding of and experience with God, the Gospel, the Bible, church, and life has been in a state of considerable flux. How's that for an all-encompassing declaration of "everything is changing for me?" I know it sounds rather sweeping and terribly non-specific, and that very fact has, at least in part, made me reluctant to discuss the nature and nuance of this transition in this particular venue.

I've never been terribly confident that I could express much of what's going on in and around me in a way that was both coherent and loving. Since much of the change involves some deconstruction of a worldview (by which I mean a way of both believing and living) that so many people I know and love adhere to at varying levels, it matters a great deal to me that I communicate my personal thoughts and convictions—and certainly my doubt and confusion—with grace and deference to those around me, especially those who might feel (rightly or wrongly) that I'm discounting them or their way of living. I add the last parenthetical note because, to my shame, I'm sure I fail miserably at the endeavor to love in this way more than I realize.

Another challenge is this:

The changes have been ongoing and ever-evolving, and it has taken some time for me to reach a point where I can begin to embrace an expressible orientation and then communicate it sensibly. That reality has further contributed to my reluctance to write openly about these matters. I converse about them regularly, but conversation affords a greater opportunity for explanation, dialogue, and mutual exploration of ideas, struggles, questions, and fears. I also probably posses an inflated confidence in my ability to look someone in the eye and convince them that I'm not a heretic, even if what I'm saying sounds like heresy. Words on a page don't allow for that same interpersonal dynamic.

With all of that said, I think I'm far enough into the reconstructive phase of this particular journey that I'd like to start writing more openly about these things. Despite my tendency toward dramatic introductions, you may find much of this unsurprising. I've probably alluded to many of the significant pieces of this in less overt ways in the past, and I may never say much more about it than I say in this post (unlikely, but possible).

I just wanted to start this way so you'd have a sense of my thought process as I write about these things. I am very interested in dialogue and interaction (even among you), and it's worth noting that a big part of what has been reconstructed is a belief that my understanding of and experience with these significant parts of life will always be growing and changing. I'm not terribly interested in declaring that there's a better way to be sure about everything in the world; I'm much more interested in acknowledging that I didn't make the world and it's silly of me to act like I have it all figured out. Maybe if we can admit that together we can participate in one another's lives and formation in a way that's healthier and more fruitful than what we've known in the past.

And I still find it a significant challenge to know where to begin the conversation. It is certainly accurate to say that I understand God differently than I did before. Likewise Jesus. The Gospel. Church. Kingdom. The Bible. Justice. Morality. And so forth.

I may regret starting this way, but I read several short pieces penned by other folks that might be helpful in offering a glimpse into this journey I am still very much on. First, two guys much smarter than I talk about certain aspects of how we view the Gospel (and I tried to hotlink over to definitions of some of the bigger words, but on a quick scan only succeeded with one):

It is important to stress, as Paul would do himself were he not so muzzled by his interpreters, that when he referred to "the gospel" he was not talking about a scheme of soteriology. Nor was he offering people a new way of being what we would call "religious". Despite the way Protestantism has used the phrase (making it denote, as it never does in Paul, the doctrine of justification by faith), for Paul "the gospel" is the announcement that the crucified and risen Jesus of Nazareth is Israel's Messiah and the world's Lord. It is, in other words, the thoroughly Jewish, and indeed Isaianic, message which challenges the royal and imperial messages in Paul's world.
- Tom Wright

The Gospel must be preached in an evangelical way, that is, in accordance with the nature and content of the Gospel of free grace, else it is ‘another Gospel’. It is not faith that justifies us, but Christ in whom we have faith. But the history of Protestantism shows that it is possible to speak of justification by faith in such a way that the emphasis is shifted from ‘Christ’ to ‘me’, so that what becomes finally important is ‘my faith’, ‘my decision’, ‘my conversion’, and not really Christ himself.
- T. F. Torrance

And, if you've read this far, I think you'll gain something from reading these two posts from other bloggers. In both you'll read references to Emergent and the emerging church. Let me clarify that I'm not an apologist for a particular group or movement. There is a significant part of what I've been through and where I am that resonates in these particular circles (which will be partially defined in what you read), and conversations going on in other places have been and are tremendously valuable to me. Those conversations and groups are also, at times, loaded down with stuff that I find silly. No matter, and no more so than the traditions and conversations that serve as the points of origin for my faith and view of the world.

• Scot McKnight, a writer and professor, discusses some of the essential changes in my understanding of the Gospel, especially in the area of community. Be warned, McKnight is an academic and there are a few thick sentences here, but see it through. The key message isn't obscure if you read the whole thing, and it's worthwhile. At least read the last two paragraphs, which get to the essence of some of what I'm asking and thinking. Link
• Ryan Bolger, a writer and professor from California, focuses on a discussion of Emergent, a particular semi-organized group of folks trying to do faith and church in some new (and in some cases, very old) ways. Emergent has taken some heat from mainstream evangelicals for what is often perceived as unorthodox belief and practice. Even if you don't give a rip about Emergent or think they're a bunch of heretics, Bolger's real point is something that matters to me – the notion that even the apparent heretics have an important place in helping those on the fringes of faith discover (or rediscover) a place in God's Kingdom. Link

So maybe that's a starting place. We'll see.

Comments

[michael shane]

thad,

i have read your intro and the other blogs you referenced, but I am wanting to hear more of your thoughts on this since you wrote "Let me clarify that I'm not an apologist for a particular group or movement....Those conversations and groups are also, at times, loaded down with stuff that I find silly."

i am always open to listening to what the Lord reveals to my brothers as my life changed fairly dramatically 3 years ago and i, myself, have heard accusations of heresy, etc...

[Ace]

uhmm, sure, absolutely....your "theology" should always be changing because we're in a constant, dynamic thing called "relationship" with Him, not "the studying" of Him. It reminds me of the slight distinction between Moses and the Israelites. Israel followed their God (sometimes) but Moses knew His ways. I love it.

Systematic theology is such a bizarre concept to me. For that matter, theology itself lacks real content. I have good friend who is all hopped up on theology and I bet it pisses him off to read the New Testament and realize.....there are no admonitions, no recognition, nothing pertaining to theologians. They aren't in the Ephesians 4 line-up; truth be told, they fall somewhere in between the Scribes and the lawyers and Jesus thought a lot of these guys!

It is a wonderful thing to enter into humility on the level of being able to say the following to God..."whatever I have thought I have known about you is up for grabs. I'm not committed to any of it and I am for damn sure not going to swallow what others say about you; I MUST know You for You, who You say You are is all that matters to me. I don't even care if I can make sense of it or explain it to my brother. I've got to have more of You than I have right now."

That is the sort of recklessness I hear in the entry point of your saga described above. By the way, "heresy" simply defined is "an opinion or doctrine contrary to church dogma". Fine. I think I'm fine with that.

I used to try and find guardrails, protective boundaries of theology to protect myself and "the church" from slipping into debauchery and heresy. There aren't any, really, that reckless abandonment in pursuit of God is the only protective layer that keeps our feet from slipping. Everything else, however good it may seem, will ultimately prevent us from going further with Him.

I dunno. I am rambling again, but this was a great post. I for one am all over it and ready for the next edition.
Also, nice poop story.

[Joe Bullock]

Just a thought that has changed everything. It comes from John, the beloved who recorded the response to the question "What are the works of God?": "To believe in the apostle [the one He has sent]" (Apostle here is Christ as revealed in Hebrews "Jesus, the apostle...") Your comments are exciting and wonderous. Have you done any Godly works lately? Just wondering. That has been a most difficult teaching for me over the past twenty years. Yes, I'm old, fat, and ugly--mostly fat and ugly--but I'm trying to grow familiar with that new station in life God has called me to. You, too, will find it most challenging. I pray for your endurance and strength [which is in existance now] and lift thanksgivings for all that He has, is, and will do with you as you do His work. Community, Emergent, Kingdom, Bible, teaching and teachers...all interesting topics. Looking forward to hearing.

[Rebekah]

I've been meditating on grace these days, and in these readings it keeps standing out to me. Have you read Philip Yancey's book, "What's So Amazing About Grace?"? What are your thoughts?